Another Day at the Office

Hi. My name is Sherman. I work at Macrosoft. I read something lately that said Macrosoft was "the technological equivalent of a sweatshop" and it bothered me. I want to set the record straight so I decided to record what I do on a typical day at work. I hope this will clear things up. Thank you.

4:33 AM -- I woke up and put my pillow and blanket into the bottom drawer of my desk. Went down the hall for a double espresso but some idiot had turned the machine off. Had to settle for French Roast. Gordon stopped me on the way back to the office and asked if I would crack his back. He still hasn't gotten used to the floor.

4:38 AM -- Gordon's back cracked a little too loudly and he left for the hospital to get checked out. I am back at my desk checking my mail. Hmmm.... Wow! There's a note here about the planning meeting for our new product. They've decided to call it Industry '99 because it will do everything our other suite does plus put Federal Express, Charles Schwab, and Nabisco out of business. Kewl, deud!

4:41 AM -- Got another bloody nose. I don't believe that damned doctor. There is no way caffeine can cause this. Damn! I'm out of Kleenex. Thank God for that medicine cabinet.

4:43 AM -- Just got back and am ready for work. Boy, they keep putting new stuff in that medicine cabinet. Vivarin! What will they think of next. A couple of those and that espresso machine can kiss my ass.

4:45 AM -- Started coding. These hidden functions are tough. I don't know how they expect me to stop someone's modem lights from blinking while we upload their life's history during registration. Hmmm.... Maybe a BIOS call to the serial driver will do the trick.

5:01 AM -- Time for breakfast. Damned microwave. Even on defrost it still makes the cream squirt right out of the Twinkies. Well, at least old Gordon's not here. Yesterday he was so tweaked out on Jolt he set it on high and the damned things exploded. Boy was maintenance pissed. Took 'em half an hour to scrape that shit off the inside of the oven. We will have a meeting on that one I'm sure....

5:10 AM -- Ah, nothing like a good meal. Burned my tongue though. Man that hurts. Twinkie guts will do that to ya every time. Read the company newsletter while I was eating and it mentioned that the wife changed her mind again on the layout of the kitchen at Bill's new estate. Damn, at the rate they're going they'll move in on the same day he throws the switch and sends the ultimatum to Washington. Oops! Maybe I shouldn't have said that. That's a top secret project. Oh, well, now you know.

5:16 AM -- Went out to the Web with Exploder 7.0 Beta. Just installed it yesterday and it ate my hard drive. They aren't sure if that bug will be fixed. Too close to shipping. The plan is to blame it on Quicken if anyone calls support. PointCast is really hosed though and that pisses me off. Can't get my stock quotes.

5:22 AM -- Gordon called. Says they've got him in a back brace.
Promised to say he slipped in the game room while playing Asteroids
so he can get L&I. He sounded a little pissed though. Better not
play basketball with him anytime soon.

5:28 AM -- Damned contractor called in. He says his father died. Guess I'll be testing today too. Oh well, I'll throw in a few extra-nasty bugs just for him to choke on next week. Damned guys are spoiled. They only work 60 hours a week and cry like babies.

5:37 AM -- Cutting more code. Damned DOA objects. Never do what you want. Stupid thing just grabbed one of my dirty jpegs and slammed it into the server in building 36. The bastards don't even give me delete rights. Damn. Better get over there and thrash it before the shit hits the fan.